My hair begins falling out on a Thursday. It is all over my pillow when I awake this morning. By Saturday afternoon, I am picking it off my shoulders, and it is falling onto the floor and into my soup. On Sunday morning, handsfull of the stuff comes out in the shower. I make the decision quickly. On Sunday evening in my kitchen, while my 2-year old grandson's hair is buzzed by his daddy, mine disappears too. After my husband shaves my head, I take the shortest path to a mirror. "You still look like you," says my daughter Carrie as she stands behind me. Such a simple statement, but also profound. I will call my book about my life with breast cancer, You Still Look Like You.
Breast cancer is not the only thing on my mind these days. However, until my daily radiation treatments are over, and they take this port out of my chest, I am required to deal with it every day. When I am through with the zapping machine and the port is removed, I will write my story. Then I hope to move on to something new and exciting. I don't know what that is just yet, but I can feel something in the air....
Speaking of the air....yesterday I received my CPAP machine. (Continous Positive Air Pressure) Mario described it to Chris as a "contraption." When I wear it over my face, I must look like a cross between a bad science experiment and an astronaut who didn't quite make it in the program. After years of poor sleep, waking up abruptly several times a night feeling like I need air, I had a sleep study done. I'd had this done before, several years ago. The oxygen machine I was given then made so much noise that my sleep problems were worse, not better. So I took it back, and that was that. But recently, I have been scaring myself. I have been waking up with my heart racing at 2 in the morning or feeling like I desperately need air. No bad dreams. Not running any races. But feeling oxygen depleted. So after the sleep study, the doctor evaluating the results said I had about twice as many "episodes" per hour as is acceptable. So last night, I slept with my new contraption. It takes some getting used to, but I only awoke one time. What an improvement.
Today is my 57th birthday. Mario greeted me with $100 cash to spend as I wish. I already have my list!!! I will send $25 to Fr. Joe for his veterans. Then I will shop the mall sales for those January bargains. A new David Phelps CD is waiting for me at Mustard Seed. And there are a couple of books I will get. I am meeting my old friends Suzie Longo and Sharon Mackenzie for lunch at the Park Bench. Then supper will be fun because the grandkids are coming and surely bringing me cake! I made Sam's Taco Soup this morning, and a friend who is still feeding us from time to time dropped by with homemade chicken noodle soup. Blake will eat that. I will have both. It's my birthday! Today I will eat whatever I want.
This is my first blogging adventure. I am not sure who, if anyone, will be interested in what I have to say, but I have always recognized the therapeutic value of writing. And writing is fun too.
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2 comments:
Yeah! I am so glad to have a new blog to read. I LOVE writing mine, just for myself. The pictures are really easy to post, too, when you get around to that. During your entry you can click on the little picture icon and it takes you through how to upload.
Great job Birthday Girl! Hope you're having fun with your family.
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