A Day of Remembering, an Evening of Feasting

Yesterday I must have eaten at least 5,000 calories. Well every once in awhile I think it is ok to do that.

I had the follow-up mammogram yesterday morning at 8 AM. I went with no expectations; my mind was focused on the upcoming funeral services of Alan's mom. But this appt. had been on the calendar since my surgery, so I figured I should just go and get it over with. Well, on the first series, there it was again...or so I thought. "What is that?" I asked the technician. "I don't know," was her reply. "But I will take this to the radiologist right now and we'll find out." My heart sank a bit, as what I saw on the screen looked identical to what I saw back in August. A white spot, about a half -inch in diameter, was looking right at me. So I went back to the dressing room to wait. I am asking myself many questions. Is this a new one? Did they miss this one the first time? About 15 minutes later, the tech returned and apologized for what we were about to do. She took me back to the mammography room and got a special plastic object out of the cabinet. "We are going to compress the area, and take a closer look," she said, again apologizing, because she knew what this was going to do to me. The machine came down right on top of my scar, where I have just finished The Boost (radiation right on the scar) 2 days ago, and the area is red-hot. Well I will not go into detail here about it, just to say that the radiologist took a close look at the compression mammogram shots and decided there is nothing to be concerned about at this time. She made the call on my first digital mammogram in August, so I trust her. But I may have to talk to her again about this. I will be having mammograms every six months from now on to watch things. What I came away with from this experience yesterday morning is the realization that even though I want to be through with this, it is always going to be part of my life. I am in a high-percentage recovery group, but Dr. Ali's words are to be remembered also..."There are no guarantees." I remain standing in the light and hopeful.

So off to the funeral home I go. The Knepler boys are saying goodbye to their mom. I stand in the back, waiting for an opportunity to say hello to my friend Alan. We have a quick hug and exchange, then we are off to church. Here I am in the old Cadillac, bringing up the rear of a short procession for Flossie's last ride. The tears are streaming down because the pain is intense. But I pull myself together for the Mass of Resurrection. Fr. Mike Kuse does a beautiful job in these situations. It really is his gift. Too bad all the other stuff comes with being a priest. He reminds us that since we are people of faith, as we take our last breath, we can leave knowing we are going to be free.

I was able to share with Alan's older brother how Florence used to talk with me about her first child, the little girl she carried full-term, but was stillborn. I told him that she is not only with their dad now, but also with her daughter, and that she used to talk with me about that little girl. (She subsequently birthed four healthy sons.) Well Jim seemed genuinely pleased to hear that story, as the subject of the stillborn sister was never talked about except privately by their father to them when they were young children. He told the boys that the whole thing was just too painful for their mother to talk about. So now when the boys were cleaning out her things at the nursing home, they found a small box of pictures, including some of the little girl. I told Jim that I thought she felt at peace after talking about her daughter. He was pleased to hear this story.

The parish provided an excellent meal after the services. Alan invited me to sit with him, and Ray and a couple of other of Alan's friends joined the table. We talked about Flossie a little, then moved on to his girls' basketball team and the upcoming soccer season. He is going to miss all this when he retires, but I think Ray will "put him to work" at QND when he moves back here. We also talked Vegas and discovered we are going to be out there at the same time in June, staying just a block away from each other. So Mario and I will surely get together and have some fun with our friend Alan in Vegas.

Home for an afternoon to rest up for the last detail of the day...."ladies night out." That is what they called it, and Carrie and I went for a couple of hours and got a bagful of coupons and goodies, as well as some good food. We sampled everything....that is how I consumed the 5,000 plus calories. Some really good stuff there. We both bought a can of carpet spot remover! Now is that practical or what??? Sample all the great food but buy spot remover.

I watched IDOL when I got home and was sad for Alaina. Really sad. I am looking forward to next week. And things can only get better when they can SING BEATLES SONGS! YES!